q('0=School adventure game=You are an ESL student and it is your first day at Frankfurt International School. Everything at the school is new to you; and you keep making mistakes or getting into trouble. Your job is to get to the end of the week without being suspended or expelled or running away.  <em>Do you want to play the game?</em>=Yes, please!=>#1=No, I want to quit!=>#150=Give me more information first!=>#149');
q('1=Room 262 - at the door=It\'s time for your ESL lesson! Mr Shoebottom welcomes you at the door and says:  \"Hi, have you come to learn English?\" <em>What do you reply?</em>=I am English, Stupid!=[You\'d better learn some manners!]=Eh??=>#2=Indeed my good fellow. Let\'s get cracking, what!=[You don\'t need to learn English. You need to see a psychiatrist!]');
q('2=Room 262 - at Mr Shoebottom\'s desk=\"Good answer,\" says Mr. Shoebottom. \"You\'ve come to the right place. I have just the thing to help you - Webster\'s Uncarriable Dictionary. It weighs 57 Kg. If you learn all these words, you\'ll be a brilliant linguist. You will also become a great athlete if you carry this around.\" <em>What do you say?</em>=You say thank you and take the dictionary.=[Nice try, but you really cannot carry it.]=You take out your lighter and burn the dictionary.=>#3=You ask Mr Shoebottom if he has a smaller book.=>#70');
q('3=Room 262 - The Fire=Well, good job, you have solved the problem of Germany\'s cold weather.  Mr Shoebottom\'s room is now nice and warm ..... and full of smoke ..... and the tables are burning up and collapsing.  <em>What do you do?</em>=Take a book, sit down, and start reading.=>#4=Run from the room and scream \"FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!\"=[That didn\'t help.  A very obliging student came along and tossed you a book of matches.]=Grab the fire extinguisher and try to put out the fire.=[The fire extinguisher squirts and spurts, but the fire keeps burning.]');
q('4=The nurse\'s room=Wow! That was pretty keen of you - you really impressed the teacher. However, you are overcome by smoke and pass out. You are very lucky - Mr Shoebottom has rescued you and taken you to the nurse.  She tells you to open your mouth and say \"Aaaahh.\" <em>How do you respond?</em>=\"Aaah\"=[Sorry, I said: \"Say, Aaaahh\", not \"Aaah!\"\" ]=\"Ha ha ha!\"=[How can you laugh when you\'re covered in soot and your hair\'s on fire?]=\"Yargghhh!\"=>#5');
q('5=Back in the corridor=Yes, you would like to do what she asks but the fire has melted your tongue and all you can do is scream in pain. She gives you a bag of ice and says you will soon feel better. You leave the nurse\'s office and start walking along the corridor. Suddenly someone runs out of the art room and crashes right into you, knocking you down. <em>What do you do?</em>=Get up and continue walking along the corridor.=>#6=Punch him on the nose.=[You can\'t. Your burned fingers won\'t make a fist.]=Say: \"Oh I\'m so sorry. I should look where I\'m going!\"=[Don\'t be such a wimp!]');
q('6=Further along the corridor=Suddenly someone runs out of the math room and crashes right into you, knocking you down. <em>What do you do?</em>=Get up and continue walking along the corridor.=>#8=Punch him on the nose.=[Yes! He should look where he\'s going. The problem is, he punches you back and you\'re on the floor again!]=You\'ve had enough of being knocked down and decide it\'s time for lunch.=>#7');
q('7=In the cafeteria=You enter the cafeteria and the scene that awaits you is like your worst nightmare. Thousands of crazed students rushing around, throwing food, screaming and shouting, pushing and shoving. You ask an older boy if lunch is always like this. He says: \"Oh no, you should see it when there are no teachers on duty!\" and points to two haggard figures trying to hide behind the trash cans. <em> What do you do?</em>=Walk over to the teachers and demand that they do their jobs.=[It\'s no good - they start cowering and quivering when you approach them.]=Decide that you don\'t feel hungry any more and start to walk out of the cafeteria..=[Too late! You hear the sound of doors being locked - from the outside!]=Push your way in at the front of the food line.=>#26');
q('8=Even further along the corridor=Suddenly 30 students run out of the German room and crash right into you, knocking you down. <em>What do you do?</em>=Get up and continue along the corridor. =>#9=Punch them all on the nose.=>#44=Stay right where you are and go to sleep.=>#19');
q('9=Somewhere along the corridor=Suddenly someone runs out of the French room and crashes right into you, knocking you down. <em>What do you do?</em>=Get up and continue walking along the corridor.=>#10=Punch her on the nose.=[Don\'t you know you should never hit a girl.]=Stay right where you are and go to sleep.=>#51');
q('10=In the corridor by the toilets=Suddenly someone runs out of the teacher\'s toilets and crashes right into you, knocking you down. <em>What do you do?</em>=Get up and continue walking along the corridor.=>#11=Punch him on the nose.=[You can\'t (remember your fingers are burned!) And that\'s lucky because the person who knocks you down is the principal.]=Stay right where you are and go to sleep.=[Good night!]');
q('11=Still in the corridor=Suddenly someone runs out of the secretary\'s office and crashes right into you, knocking you down. <em>What do you do?</em>=Get up and continue walking along the corridor.=>#12=Punch her on the nose.=[What a nasty coward you are, punching a girl like that!]=Stay right where you are and go to sleep.=>#48');
q('12=In the grade 6 corridor=Suddenly 30 students run out of the English room and crash right into you, knocking you down. <em>What do you do?</em>=Get up and continue walking along the corridor.=>#13=Punch them on the nose.=[You can\'t. Your burned fingers won\'t make a fist.]=Get up and follow them along the corridor.=[Good night!]');
q('13=By the humanities class="You" can\'t believe it. You\'ve gone past 3 classrooms and nobody has run out and knocked you down. You see a teacher up ahead of you, waiting by the door.  <em>What do you do?</em>=Punch him on the nose.=>#103=Turn around and run back down the corridor.=>#14=Go up to him and say hello.=>#1');
q('14=By the office=Good move! The teacher you saw ahead was Mr Shoebottom waiting to teach you some English again. But suddenly you hear a voice shouting: \"Stop running in the corridors!\" <em>What do you do?</em>=Stop running, but start again as soon as the teacher turns his back.=>#114=Run into the bathroom and hide in a cubicle.=[ You suddenly notice someone sitting there and you rush out again, feeling very embarrassed.]=Start crying.=>#15');
q('15=The counsellor=Just at that moment the counsellor turns the corner and sees you in floods of tears. \"What\'s wrong?\" she asks.  <em>How do you reply?</em>=\"Mind your own business!\"=[\"How dare you be so rude! I\'ll give you something to cry about!\" she says, and sticks an onion up your nose.]=\"Boo-hoo! Nobody likes me!\"=[I\'m not surprised! You\'re stupid and ugly and boring; and I don\'t like you either! ]=\"I don\'t feel at all well!\"=>#58');
q('16=In the nurse\'s office again=The counsellor puts her arm round your shoulder and takes you to the nurse. She tells you to open your mouth and say \"Aaaahh.\" <em>How do you respond?</em>=\"Aaah\"=[Sorry, I said: \"Say, Aaaahh\", not \"Aaah!\"\" ]=\"Ha ha ha!\"=>#116=\"Yargghhh!\"=>#17');
q('17=The nurse\'s treatment=The nurse says: \"That\'s a nasty throat you have there. What you need is some ice.\" <em>What do you do with the ice?</em>=Take it, walk out of the room and along the corridor.=>#8=Say thank you and put it in your pocket.=>#18=Put it into a glass and pour coke on top of it.=[Cheers!]');
q('18=A pocketful of ice=The nurse decides that not only do you have a bad throat but that you are also going a little bit crazy. \"Never mind,\" she says. \"Most students have a stressful first day. Why don\'t you have a little rest?\" <em>What do you do?</em>=Run outside, lie down on the floor and go to sleep.=>#19=Tell her she\'s the one who\'s crazy, not you!=[She goes to the cupboard to get a straitjacket so she can tie you to a chair.]=Start to cry.=>#58');
q('19=On the floor=Good idea! All this rushing around school has made you very tired. You\'re such a deep sleeper that you don\'t even feel the students trampling all over you on their way home at the end of the day. And you sleep on as the cleaners vacuum the carpet around you. In the middle of the night you suddenly wake up with a jump. It\'s pitch black in the corridor, but you see a ghostly light coming from under the door of the copying room.  And you hear a strange wailing sound that chills your blood. <em>What do you do?</em>=Jump up and run screaming all the way home.=>#100=Creep slowly to the door, open it a little and peer inside.=>#20=Roll over and go back to sleep.=[Good night! ]');
q('20=In the photocopying room=The strange and ghastly noise you heard is coming from your ESL teacher wailing and gnashing his teeth. He\'s been trying to copy some test papers since school finished, but the copying machine keeps breaking down. Suddenly he has a bright idea; he asks you if you would like to do your ESL test now. <em>How do you respond?</em>=Go back to the corridor and sleep until homeroom.=>#21=Tell him you\'d love to do the test.=[Don\'t be such a creep!]=Say \"You\'re the one having the breakdown, not the photocopier!\"=[Now you\'ve made your teacher cry!]');
q('21=Homeroom on day 2=Your homeroom teacher thinks that you need to get to know the school a little better and she tells another student (called Johnny) to take you on a tour. As you leave the classroom, Johnny asks you where you want to go first. <em>What do you choose?</em>=The smoking area=>#22=The library=>#32=The computer room=>#75');
q('22=The smoking area=The smoking area is behind the sports hall next to the trash cans. You can tell you are getting closer because the sound of coughing and choking gets louder and louder. You turn the corner and there they are - all the cool high school kids with their baggy pants, bloodshot eyes and yellow fingers. One of them walks over to you and offers you a cigarette. <em>What do you do?</em>=Thank her, take out your lighter and start to smoke.=>#24=Say: \"No thanks, my mother says smoking is bad for you.\"=[She sneers: \"Do you always do what your mama tells you?\" and offers the cigarette again.]=Take the cigarette, break it in half and throw it in one of the trashcans.=>#23');
q('23=The smokers are upset!=Well, that was a certainly a sensible thing to do. Who wants to end up with stained fingers and smelling like an ashtray? The only problem is that the high school students are pretty mad and start moving towards you menacingly. You turn around, race back into the school and rush into the bathroom. You storm into one of the cubicles and are just about to sit down when you notice someone already sitting there. <em>What do you do?</em>=Ask: \"Do you mind if I join you?\"=[The student sitting there says: \"Sure, but you\'ll have to ask the Hausmeister to install a double-seated toilet.\"]=Ask: \"Is this seat taken?\"=[The student sitting there roars out: \"Of course it\'s taken! Are you blind or just as stupid as you look?\"]=Rush out again, feeling very embarrassed=>#10');
q('24=Smoke rings=Wow, the high school students are really impressed with your gold-plated lighter and the way you are able to blow smoke rings. What do you tell them?=\"I\'ve been smoking since the age of three!\"=[If that\'s true then you won\'t be alive for very much longer!]=\"You should see my father; he\'s able to blow smoke hexagons!\"=[They have no idea what you are talking about.]=\"Yeah, the lighter was a present from my ESL teacher for getting 100% in the verbs test!\"=>#25');
q('25=Envy=The high school students are very envious. One of them says: \"What a cool ESL teacher you have! How can we get to join the ESL class?\" <em>How do you reply?</em>=\"Sorry, ESL is only for smart kids!\"=>#50=\"Just come along to the next lesson. I\'m sure the teacher will be happy to have an extra 25 high school degenerates in his class.\"=[They don\'t understand you (which is just as well!) and they repeat the question.]=\"That\'s interesting! You want to get into ESL and I want to get out of it!\"=>#120');
q('26=In the food line=You ask to see the menu but the cafeteria worker just points at three vats of food, labelled French Fries, Chips and Pommes. You are astonished and say: \"But it\'s all the same thing!\" He just shrugs his shoulders and says \"Next!\" <em>What do you do?</em>=Ask him if he has any healthy food.=>#28=Ask for one plate of French fries, one plate of chips and one plate of Pommes.=>#27=Decide you don\'t feel hungry and walk out of the cafeteria.=[You can\'t! The doors have been locked - from the outside.]');
q('27=Eating lunch=You have your tray of food but you can\'t find anywhere to sit. All the table sapce has been taken by the bottoms and feet of the high school students. So you go over to the trash cans and rest your tray on one of them. You reckon you should be safe to eat there. Judging by the amount of garbage on the cafeteria floor, which is ankle-deep in crisp packets, empty coke cans and trodden-in French fries, you don\'t believe that anyone has ever used the trash cans for their intended purpose. <em>What happens next?</em>=The fire alarm starts ringing.=[No-one takes any notice.]=The light starts flashing for the end of lunch break.=[No-one takes any notice at all.]=You get hit on the back of the neck by a flying hamburger.=>#31');
q('28=Still in the line=He thinks hard for a while and then says: \"Well, in the candy machine there\'s a chocolate bar that has a few oat flakes and one or two bits of apple.\" You ask him how he can reconcile all this junk food with what they teach you about healthy nutrition in science class. He just looks at you blankly and says: \"Next!\" <em>What do you do?</em>=Decide you don\'t feel hungry and ask him what drinks he sells.=>#29=Decide you don\'t feel hungry and walk out of the cafeteria.=[You can\'t! The doors have been locked - from the outside.]=Ask for one plate of French fries, one plate of chips and one plate of Pommes.=>#27');
q('29=Cafeteria drinks=The cafeteria worker points at three huge drinks machines labelled Coca-Cola, Coca-Cola with added sugar, Extra Strong Coca-Cola with added sugar and caffeine.  <em>What do you say?</em>=Ask him if he has any healthy drinks.=>#30=Ask for an extra-large glass to be filled from each machine.=>#28=Decide you are not thirtsy and walk out of the cafeteria.=[You can\'t! The doors have been locked - from the outside.]');
q('30=A lesson in healthy nutrition=The cafeteria worker says: \"What do you mean coke is not healthy? It\'s got water in it!\" You start to explain about the effects of sugar and caffeine on the human nervous system but the students in the line behind you are getting very agitated, so you decide it\'s time to .. <em>Do what?</em>=Ask for one plate of French fries, one plate of chips and one plate of Pommes.=>#27=Ask for an extra-large glass of coke to be filled from each drinks machine.=>#27=Ask for a plate of French fries and a large glass of Extra-Strong Coca-cola.=>#27');
q('31=Flying food=You turn around to see who did it but the cafeteria is full of EFOs (Edible Flying Objects) - French fries skittering like sparrows, pizzas slicing the air like frisbees, hot dogs whirling like helicopters. <em>What do you do?</em>=Decide you are not hungry any more and walk towards the exit.=>#36=Stand there with your mouth open in astonishment.=[Great idea! Sooner or later you\'re sure to catch a pizza or hamburger in your mouth!]=Turn around and carry on eating.=[You can\'t. Someone has knocked your tray of food onto the floor.]');
q('32=The library=What a good choice! You are obviously a quiet and intelligent student, who likes nothing better than to read a good book. You go up to the librarian and ask her if she has any Mickey Mouse comic books. She looks at you disdainfully and says that she doesn\'t stock junk reading in her precious library. <em>What do you do?</em>=Say that Mickey Mouse stories are full of wit and invention.=>#33=Tell her that she misheard you, and that Michael Mousecomic is a famous writer in your country.=[She hits you over the head with an encyclopedia for being so stupid.]=Run over to the library shelves and start throwing books on the floor.=>#34');
q('33=The librarian\'s secret=The librarian says, \"Yes, you\'re right!\" And from under her desk, she takes a pile of comics that she has secretly been reading.  As you are discussing the postmodernist elements of Disney cartoons of the 1930\'s, the light flashes and it\'s time for the first lesson: maths! Unfortunately, Johnny, your homeroom helper, has disappeared and you have no idea how to get to the math room. As you are walking along the corridor, you see an old man with a stick and wild hair coming towards you. <em>What do you do?</em>=You ask him how to get to the math room.=[How should I know, he replies, I\'m the headmaster.]=You take away his stick and he falls to the ground.=>#119=You ask if you can help him.=>#50');
q('34=The angry librarian=That was a big mistake. You should know that books are more important to library teachers than people!  With a howl of rage, she leaps over her desk and rushes towards you with a sharpened copying card.  She is just about to slice off your ear, when you shout out .. What do you shout out?=\"No, don\'t do it. Think of the blood all over your precious books.\"=[She is too enraged to hear what you\'re saying and keeps coming towards you.]=\"You\'ve got all the big red books on one shelf, and all the little blue books on another. Do you really think this is the best way to organize a library?\"=>#35=\"What a happy coincidence. I was just looking for a book on Vincent Van Gogh!\"=[She stops for a moment and says: \"Sorry, books about football players are over there in the corner,\" but then keeps on coming towards you.]');
q('35=A lesson for the library teacher=Well, that really stops her in her tracks. She scatches her head and thinks for a while, and then asks. \"You mean, there\'s a better way to file the books on the shelves?\" You sit down at a desk with her and patiently explain about the Dewey Decimal System.  Unfortunately, the light starts flashing and it\'s time for you to go to your next lesson: maths! What do you say as you are leaving the library?=A book a day keeps the doctor away!=[Don\'t you mean \"apple\"?]=By the way, Van Gogh was an artist.=[You\'re right, but she was referring to his great grandson who plays for Ajax Amsterdam!]=Goodbye!=>#50');
q('36=Back in the corridor=You\'re surprised to find that the doors have been unlocked and you are free at last. You walk carefully along the corridors, expecting someone to rush out of a classroom and knock you down again, but nothing happens. You look at your schedule and see that it\'s time for your ESL lesson. You see the counselor walking towards you. <em>What do you do?</em>=Ask her the way to the ESL classroom.=[That\'s no good. All she says is: \"You don\'t expect <em>me</em> to help, do you? I\'ve got enough problems of my own.\"]=Turn the other way and run into the toilet.=>#37=Keep your head in your binder and hope she will ignore you.=>#38');
q('37=In the toilet=You rush into one of the cubicles and are very embarrassed to notice someone is sitting there . <em>What do you do?</em>=Ask: \"Is this the way to the auditorium?\"=[That was quick thinking! The student on the toilet politely tells you the best way to get there .]=Open the bathroom door carefully and look to see if the counselor is still in the corridor.=>#43=Ask: \"Is this seat taken?\"=[The student sitting there roars out: \"Of course it\'s taken! Are you blind or even more stupid than you look?\"]');
q('38=ESL class="Smart" move! When counselors start talking to you, it\'s impossible to get away. As you walk into the room, Mr Shoebottom gives you a copy of Morphy\'s Extremely Tedious English Grammar. He tells you to start at Unit 1 and not to bother him until you\'ve finished Unit 200. You point out that modern theories of language learning stress the  importance of authentic communication activities. He has no idea what  you\'re talking about and tells you to get back to work. <em>What do you do?</em>=Throw the grammar book at him.=result1=Jump out of the window.=[Good idea! The last place you are likely to learn English is in the ESL classroom.=Turn to page 1 of the grammar book.=Have fun!');
q('39=Fire Alarm=Now you\'ve made him mad! He picks up his 4000 page Complete Idiot\'s Guide to Being A Computer Teacher and takes aim at your head. But you are in luck - just at that moment the fire alarm starts ringing and everyone rushes out of the room. <p>You have never heard such a commotion - teachers moaning, handy\'s ringing=choice1=result1=choice2=result2=choice3=result3');
q('40=Break time=Just then the light starts flashing and the nurse jumps out of her seat. \"Time for my cigarette and glass of whiskey! You\'ll have to come back after break.\" she says. You wander off down the corridor nursing your poor hand. Soon the air is full of the sounds of wailing and crunching bones - broken hands caused by pounding on the drinks machine that one more is not working properly, broken noses caused by trying to be first into the cafeteria and running into the automatic glass doors that have not had time to open; broken teeth caused by jostling at the water fountain; cracked skulls corner of the room <p>this all seems to dangerous - what do you do?=choice1=result1=choice2=result2=Go to teacher\'s room=result3');
q('41=Teacher\'s room=full of smoke fighting at the coffee machine desperate for caffeine fix accusing of stealing milk and taking cups - surprised not to hear educatuonal discs=choice1=result1=choice2=result2=choice3=result3');
q('42=Assembly=The students are on their way to the auditorium. You follow them as they file in quiet as mice. After your experiences in the cafeteria, the students\' silence astonishes you. You ask the girl sitting next to you why everyone is so quiet and she whispers back: \"Anyone caught talking is sent to the principal\'s office.\" \"What\'s so bad about that?\" you ask.=choice1=result1=choice2=result2=choice3=result3');
q('43=The counselor=The corridor seems to be empty so you start walking back to your homeroom. Suddenly, the counselor jumps out from behind the photocopying machine where she was hiding. \"Got you now!\" she roars in triumph! \"Why don\'t we go to my room for a little chat?\" How do you respond?=choice1=result1=choice2=result2=choice3=result3');
q('44=The nurse again=That was brave of you, but unfortunately you hit too hard and broke your hand. You go to the nurse again. When you walk in she tells you to open your mouth and say \"Aaaahh.\" <em>How do you respond?</em>=You say: \"Are you blind? It\'s my hand that\'s broken not my tongue!\"=[She pours her bucket of ice over your head and tells you not to be so rude.]=You roar \"Aaaahh!\" at the top of your voice because she has just grabbed your broken hand to take your pulse.=>#45=You ask: \"Is that \"Aaaahh\" with three \"A\"s or four?\"=>#46');
q('45=In trouble again=Your roaring in the nurse\'s ear surprises her so much that she falls backwards and knocks her head on the edge of the table. She is now lying on the floor in a pool of blood. Just at the moment the principal walks in. He looks at the sorry scene and shrieks out: \"You\'ve killed the nurse!\"<br> <em>How do you respond?</em>=You say: \"No, she\'s not dead. She\'s just having a little sleep.\"=[The principal is not as stupid as he looks, and he doesn\'t believe you. He shouts \"Murderer!\" again and again.]=You decide that life is getting too complicated and decide to end it all. You start swallowing some bottles of sleeping pills.=>#100=You run out into the corridor.=>#9');
q('46=The nurse gives you an English lesson=The nurse hears your question and replies: \"Don\'t you know how to spell, you dismally untalented little toad?\" <em>What do you reply?</em>=\"Don\'t blame me. It\'s my ESL teacher\'s fault!\"=>#47=\"Thank you very much! What\'s a toad?\"=[\"According to Webster\'s Almost Carriable Dictionary, a toad is a warty-skinned tailless amphibian similar to a frog!\"=\"I do indeed know how to spell, but I wasn\'t sure if you were asking me to say \"Aaaahh\" in British English or American English.\"=[The nurse calls you a wiseacre (American English) and a know-all (British English).');
q('47=You give the nurse an English lesson=She sneers and says: \"You don\'t really expect you to learn any English from him do you? He comes from America!\" <em>How do you respond?</em>=You say: \"It may have escaped your notice, my dear woman, but English is the lingua franca in the US of A.\"=[She doesn\'t understand a word you\'re talking about and repeats her insult.]=You reply: \"You can\'t say that! I am going to report you to the counselor!\" and run into the corridor.=>#50=You wail: \"Can you please do something about my broken hand?\"=>#50');
q('48=A pocketful of ice=When you wake up, you find someone has taken you to the nurse! She decides that not only do you have a broken hand but that you are also going a little bit crazy. This is because you keep trying to run up the walls like a spider. \"Never mind,\" she says. \"Most students have a stressful first day. Why don\'t you have a little rest?\" <em>What do you do?</em>=Run outside, lie down on the floor and go to sleep.=>#19=Tell her she\'s the one who\'s crazy, not you!=[She goes to the cupboard to get a straitjacket so she can tie you to a chair.]=Start to cry.=[She puts her arm around your shoulder and calls your mother to take you home.] >#100');
q('49=empty=empty sit - \"this is a test to see if it doesn\'t work\"=choice1=result1=choice2=result2=choice3=result3');
q('50=Last page=Well done! You have found your way to the (temporary) end of the maze. When I have time I will write a continuation of the scenes here. Please let me know if you can think of some funny situations. Click on my name below for the e-mail address.=Start again=>#0=Start again=>#0=Start again=>#0');
q('51=Room 262 - at the door=You have a horrible dream. You see your ESL teacher standing by his classroom door. He welcomes you and says: \"Hi, have you come to learn English?\" <em>What do you reply?</em>=I am English, Stupid!=[You\'d better learn some manners!]=Eh??=>#2=Indeed my good fellow. Let\'s get cracking, what!=[You don\'t need to learn English. You need to see a psychiatrist!]');
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q('58=In the counselor\'s office=She puts her arm around your shoulder and takes you to the counselor\'s office. The counselor quickly hides the bottle of whiskey she\'s been swigging from and fixes you with an insincere smile. ells you her problemsEM>What do you do?</em>=Start again=>#0=Start again=>#0=Start again=>#0');
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q('70=Still in Room 262=Mr Shoebottom says: \"Oh, yes, here is Webster\'s Not Quite Completely Uncarriable Dictionary. It only weighs 56.5kg!\" You go to put it in your bag, but it\'s no good. You cannot move it from the desk. <em>What do you do?</em>=You rush to the weight room and start lifting weights.=[Nice idea but it will take you about two years to build up those puny muscles of yours!]=You take out your lighter and burn the dictionary.=>#3=You ask Mr Shoebottom whether he has a smaller book.=>#71');
q('71=Even more still in Room 262=Mr Shoebottom smiles and says: \"Sure! Here is Webster\'s Only Just Uncarriable Dictionary. It only weighs 53.5kg!\" You go to put it in your bag, but it\'s no good. You cannot move it from the desk. <em>What do you do?</em>=You rush to the weight room and start lifting weights.=[Nice idea but it will take you about two years to build up those puny muscles of yours!]=You take out your lighter and burn the dictionary.=>#3=You ask Mr Shoebottom whether he has a smaller book.=>#72');
q('72=More about dictionaries=Mr Shoebottom groans and says: \"You sure are persistent! Here is Webster\'s Carriable But Not By Little ESL students Dictionary. It only weighs 49.5kg!\" You go to put it in your bag, but it\'s no good. You cannot move it from the desk. <em>What do you do?</em>=You rush to the weight room and start lifting weights.=[Nice idea but it will take you about two years to build up those puny muscles of yours!]=You take out your lighter and burn the dictionary.=>#3=You ask Mr Shoebottom whether he has a smaller book.=[That\'s no good. He loses his patience and hits you over the head with Webster\'s Absolutely Enormous And Huge Dictionary!]');
q('73=empty=empty sit=choice1=result1=choice2=result2=choice3=result3#');
q('74=empty=empty sit=choice1=result1=choice2=result2=choice3=result3');
q('75=In the computer room=Johnny takes you to the computer room, which is full of students checking who has sent them an e-mail. You sit down at a free computer and click on the icon for Internet Explorer. After a few seconds a pink-looking picture starts to appear. You recognize a girl\'s face coming into focus, and realize that she has no clothes on! Just at that moment the computer teacher enters the room and comes over to your table. <em>What do you do?</em>=Show him the picture of the naked girl and say it\'s your mother.=>#76=Press the power switch to turn off the computer.=[Never, ever turn off a computer without quitting Windows first. What would Bill Gates say?]=Put your binder in front of the monitor so that the picture cannot be seen.=>#79');
q('76=Conversation with the computer teacher=The computer teacher looks for a while at the naked girl, and is clearly  trying hard to think. Finally he speaks: \"It can\'t be your mother because it says under the picture that she is 18. That\'s only .. 3 years older than you.\" <em>How do you reply?</em>=Say that the photo was taken 50 years ago.=[The obviously-not-quite so stupid teacher doesn\'t believe you and points to the mobile phone that the girl in the photo is holding.]=Say: \"That\'s true, but she got married at a very early age.\"=[Sorry, not even the computer teacher is going to believe that your mother gave birth to you at the age of 3!]=Say: \"You\'re right! It can\'t be my mother, because she\'s got gray hair, and this girl\'s hair is black.\"=>#78');
q('77=empty=empty sit=choice1=result1=choice2=result2=choice3=result3');
q('78=Conversation part 2=That\'s good. You have obviously finally remembered the well-known English proverb: <em>Honesty is the best policy!</em> The problem is that the computer teacher now wants to know why you were looking at such a depraved picture, and threatens to ban you from the computer room forever. <em>What do you do?</em>=Tell him that all girls look like that under their clothes.=[In the interests of public decency, this will be the last reference to girls and clothes.]=Say that you are ever so sorry and that it will never happen again.=[Are you a man or a mouse?]=Point out that his screeensaver has just switched itself on and contains a picture of the same delightful girl.=>#39');
q('79=A good excuse is needed=That was a good idea. At least you have hidden the naked girl on the computer screen. The problem is that you have a big picture of a naked girl on the cover of your binder! And this is what the computer teacher is now looking at. When he asks you who it is, you reply that it\'s your dear mother. You always like to carry a photo of her everywhere you go.<br> The computer teacher looks for a while at the naked girl, and is clearly  trying hard to think. Finally he speaks: \"It can\'t be your mother because it says under the picture that she is 18. That\'s only .. 3 years older than you.\" <em>How do you reply?</em>=Say: \"You\'re right! It can\'t be my mother, because she\'s got gray hair, and this girl\'s hair is black.\"=>#78=Say: \"That\'s true, but she got married at a very early age.\"=[Sorry, not even the computer teacher is going to believe that your mother gave birth to you at the age of 3!]=Say that the photo was taken 50 years ago.=[The obviously-not-quite so stupid teacher doesn\'t believe you and points to the handy that the girl is holding.]');
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q('99=empty=empty sit=choice1=result1=choice2=result2=choice3=result3');
q('100=Out of the game=Sorry, you didn\'t make it through to the end of the week. Better luck next time!=Start again=>#0=Start again=>#0=Start again=>#0');
q('101=PE=You follow the students into the sports hall and they all start to jog around the room in a long straggly line. You look around for the PE teacher but can\'t see him anywhere. Suddenly, you hear a voice bellowing through the loudspeakers: \"You two at the back - no talking.\" You look up and notice the PE teacher looking down from glass office   dubious web sites.=choice1=result1=choice2=result2=choice3=result3');
q('102=empty=empty sit=choice1=result1=choice2=result2=choice3=result3');
q('103=Out of the game=He punches you back, knocking you out. Your mother has to come and take you home. <br> Sorry, you didn\'t make it through to the end of the week. Better luck next time!=Start again=>#0=Start again=>#0=Start again=>#0');
q('104=empty=empty sit=choice1=result1=choice2=result2=choice3=result3');
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q('114=Out of the game=You crash into the lab technician who\'s carrying a tray of chemicals. As you feel the acids begin to melt your face and your eyes drop out, you hear a teacher\'s gloating voice saying: \"Now you know why we have the <em>no running</em> rule. Enjoy your stay in hospital!\" <br> Sorry, you didn\'t make it through to the end of the week. Better luck next time!=Start again=>#0=Start again=>#0=Start again=>#0');
q('115=empty=empty sit=choice1=result1=choice2=result2=choice3=result3');
q('116=Out of the game=You\'re having a nervous breakdown! The nurse calls your mother to take you home.<br> Sorry, you didn\'t make it through to the end of the week. Better luck next time!=Start again=>#0=Start again=>#0=Start again=>#0');
q('117=empty=empty sit=choice1=result1=choice2=result2=choice3=result3');
q('118=empty=empty sit=choice1=result1=choice2=result2=choice3=result3');
q('119=Expelled=Oh dear, you shouldn\'t have done that. It was the headmaster and he expels you on the spot!=Start again=>#0=Start again=>#0=Start again=>#0');
q('120=Out of ESL=OK, you\'re out of it, and out of the game too! Bye-bye and better luck next time!=Start again=>#0=Start again=>#0=Start again=>#0');
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q('148=empty=ou have found your way to the (temporary) end of the maze. When I have time I will write a continuation of the scenes here. Please let me know if you can think of some funny situations. Click on my name below for the e-mail address.=choice1=result1=choice2=result2=choice3=result3');
q('149=More information=There are lots of loops, dead-ends and shortcuts. You just have to keep trying to find your way through to the end of the week! Choosing the same response will not always give you the same continuation. For example: If you choose <em>Go to sleep</em> one time, it may say <em>Good night</em>. But the next time you choose <em>Go to sleep</em>, it might take you ahead to a new situation nearer the end of the game! If you want to return to a previous situation, click <em>Go back</em> (the arrow button to the left). <br><em> Do you want to play?</em>=Yes, please!=>#1=No, I want to quit!=>#150=Give me more information first!=[Ask Mr S. or send him an email!]');
q('150=Game over!=<h1>Goodbye!</h1>=Start again=>#0=Start again=>#0=Start again=>#0');